Sometimes you may feel like you are a magnet for the unavailable, disloyal, abusive partner and feel its unfair, why me?
Do you always choose someone like that in your love life? Is this a typical cycle in your dating pattern of love relationships?
Is this a self belief system that you have inherited from your parents or through the lifestyle and life events that you grew up in?
When we are very young we rely on our parents to teach us healthy partnerships, emotions, boundaries and decisions in life. But what happens when you are not raised by healthy parents, but by abusive, narcissistic, detached or withdrawn parents?
During our youngest years we turn this into ourself.
“What did I do?”
“What can I do to fix it?”
“What is wrong with me”
You don’t feel good or worthy enough in yourself. Your self esteem and self confidence is low. You spend the rest of your life living this cycle, drawing in these types of people into your life, because this is the norm for you. It is all you have ever known.
Maybe the unworthy not good enough started during school, perhaps you were lonely or bullied, or didn’t fit in well, and carried that on into the now.
Same can be said for the first relationship. What was that like, and what did it teach you?
All these LOVE KARMA milestones come from a place of fear. Fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough, fear of being alone and unloved, plain old unworthy. So you settle. It’s the default, without realising it, you are accepting this behaviour unconsciously.
It’s familiar, which can be a comfortable feeling, in some part of your subconscious.
You can change that cycle permanently in yourself, so you can chose someone who is absolutely right for you, with a little self awareness. An honest assessment of yourself, perhaps a real critical analytical look at your actions in how you draw these types of people into your love life, will be the defining moment and real permanent change.
First of all, you did everything you could to gain acceptance love and acknowledgment in the past with people, as you feared rejection, so your natural habit is to go overboard and do EVERYTHING you can to get someone to like you, this is important. Not because you need to change yourself, but to be aware of your boundaries.
I’m in charge of my life my body, and others are in charge of theirs. I’m okay if you’re ok, is co-dependence. You are ok just as you are, even when someone else is not.
RESPECT is a number one PRIORITY and top of your boundaries.
1. You assume that everyone else thinks and acts like you do, like every normal person thinks. When in fact the habitual people you attract, do not think this way. They are aware of your insecurities and use things like flattery to gain access to you emotionally. These people have a strategy and a long game of control. You are not thinking like them. Some aren't thinking of you at all, just the night, or what they can take.
2. You are too willing to rush into a relationship for a varied of reasons. You're lonely, you want love, sometimes desperately so. You don’t get to meet the ‘real’ person just the face value, a mask, the revelations come later when you are in too deep to make a clean break. It takes time to build a solid foundation of something real, the “type” you attract want to rush it, quick, before you aware of the illusion.
3. Open obvious flattery makes you feel good about yourself, feeds the need of being worthy, vanity, feels good, craves more.
While giving into the shallow things, they are so funny, so attractive, lots of money, and not paying attention to the small details, do they treat you right? Are they punctual? Do they do what they say they’re going to? Getting to know someone and learning their hidden deeper values and principles, takes patience, and time.
4. Your gut instinct your intuition sends a signal, an alarm bell, but you proceed anyway, because this time will be different! Your loneliness cries out to fix them, when you see things that aren’t right. Your need to be needed, to make yourself feel better, in the hope that in return they won’t leave you. When you second guess yourself, when you're right, and you know it, but am I?
5. Too available. “But i don’t want to play games, if I am available, I will go”. Part of the cycle where you get trapped into being the one with little control, and giving your partner, complete dominance, your neediness for contact and attention. You wonder why they ghost you or disappear. You'll miss them, that is a tool someone uses to “train” you to go along with and appease them. While they are gone, back to the “What did I do wrong?” limiting self belief system.
Habitual cycles of feeling unloved lonely and single.
To break these habits of a life time, you need to change your habits of a life time too.
Don’t rush into it. Be patient
Listen to your intuition, its right.
Awareness of yourself and their actions, as well as boundaries, for self care and self preservation.
Don’t fix. You don’t need to fix one to have one, get one already perfectly available, and wanting love.
Don't be too available, don’t give all your time and energy, live life according to when or if they call. If they cancel or ghost often, that is not ok, and you need to check those boundaries quick.
Don’t ignore words/actions said as “They didn’t mean it” don’t buy into your insecurities, people show you who they are believe them.
NO REVOLVING DOOR policy hi, bye, hi pattern to groom you for an abusive relationship.
What do you want in a love relationship that will last forever? Are you worthy of that?
You deserve love. With strong boundaries, critical self preserving changes in yourself, and how you allow others to treat you.
Love isn’t supposed to consume your everyday. It is to compliment the rest of your life, not revolve around it. Make the time for love but be sure to spend the same amount of effort in other areas of your life too.
Protect yourself from heartbreak by being real in the assessment of who you are engaging. Boundaries, honesty, don’t assume who they are or mean, and most of all take your time.
Make a love commitment to YOU, before you do anyone else.